so tired I can’t sleep
7/18/00: So tired I can’t sleep
Hi!
Let’s see, last night I didn’t sleep at all so I was already up when it was time for my mom to take me to my first job at 8, then she picked me up again and that was at about 3:30 and she drove me to my second job which is my permanent one and I worked there till 9, I am so sleepy!!!! I didn’t think I would make it in time.
Not too much happening here, the police haven’t caught my, well, I don’t know how to desribe him, we were more of aquintances, or friends, we didn’t really go out ever! Rapist? yeah, that’s what he is to me.
I want to try and go to a friends tomorrow, I hope I can, I ran into her the other day and felt bad as usual that I just couldn’t go to her house. She wants to talk about Star, the code name we made up for the rapist before, I told her about it because she’s my friend mi amigo and it was her quincy anos that I went to before I came home on Fathers day that night and he came and did his buisness, and he said Hasta Luego when he was leaving while I was throwing up from being upset and checking the blood that went down my legs. Hasta Luego means see you later, he has not seen me since. Thank you, God, I don’t know what I would do if I did see him,…it’s too scary to think about.
Well, on to some brighter things, I have a few days off from both jobs coming up, and one is ending soon, and I’ll have some nice hard earned paychecks 🙂 They will help for court.
I also see a counselor soon, on next monday for my eating disorder and the rape, she is going to laugh in my face I know, because I can hardly have it called an eating disorder, besides being relieved IT has a name at least, It’s more of a friend and sometimes an enemy.
Then,… I get to do the same stuff again like the actual rape and the rape test, i get to see a gynacologist!!! Woweeee!!!!!!! That’s on a Saturday, means I will ahve to wake up around 7 a.m. to spread my legs and keep them in stirrups. Boy, as mean as I hate to be, I know she’s going to have a hard time with me! It’s hard to do that when you’e, well, me! 🙁
My plans right now are to relax, find clothes for job tomorrow, and then take a nice bath/shower, then go to the lovely place called BED which for me is the couch, but hey! It’ll do, it’s really comfortable when I’m so tired especially!!! Night all!!! Sweet Dreams!!!!!