Nursing Home Blues

Hi~

Today I worked from 6-2:30 at my new job at a nursing home, and I was so unhappy waking up at 5, I was so tired, and I’m sick, as usual, so it made it worse. Noone likes waking up that early after less then 5 hours of sleep,.. I know. But I was seriously depressed about it,.. I can’t explain it, but when I thought about why I really was so depressed, I realized that a lot of other things came to mind, like some oof the employees, everyone there almost seems burnout from working there, I know I already am, and I’ve only been there for a little while! And also I feel so alone there. In the break room 2 people were talking about something, I jumped in, not like I interrupted or anything, but added my own two cents about the subject, and this lady looked at me, cutt me off, just kept talking like I haven’t said anything, like I wasn’t even there!

I also got a pay drop, which sucks a lot, makes me want to go back to my old job, et cetera. There are a whole lot of reasons why I was seriously considering putting a two weeks’ notice in soon.

*But then,…. A resident there that is also a preacher, well a while ago another resident who is the husband of my kindergarten sunday school teacher, they both live there and I call them my grandparents, well, Grandpa was talking to the first guy once, and the poor preacher was so confused about how I could be his granddaughter when he never had any kids, well, the preacher, when him and his family were in the guest room for lunch one day, he took me by the hand and was telling me sweet things, things a grandpa tells the grandkids, and he is so sincere, I can tell.

Today he talked to me, asked me how life was treating me, which automatically makes me think someone has been talking about some of my past, present issues, and he told me if I ever wanted to adopt another grandfather, he'[d be honored. Sometimes, while I’m still getting used to the residents we serve everyday, I hate to admit it but one of the first things thsat come to my mind when they talk to us, is our they coherent? Like do they understand what they’re saying,. and when a resident calls me by my name and I’m not wearing my name tag, I feel good, like proud, because there is so many of them and it helps to know who remembers things, and stuff like that. I hope I’m making sense! So I told the preacher man when I had to get back to work and quit talking, I said, I hereby adopt you as my grandfather. So, I thought I only had one grandparent, but now, thinking about it, I have many more.

My first foster mom, her mother seemed to love me, even though we barely knew each other, and she insisted I call her Grandma. my now foster dad’s mom, I finally know her real name, but never can pronounce it right, but she tells me to just call her Grandma, too. I also have my very special real biological memaw, and the first two residents, the grandparent ones. So in a way, I now have 4 Grandma’s and 2 Grandpa’s. And the love that it takes to even just claim someone as a grandparent, to me, it’s not to be taken lightly.

That’s how I am, what I believe in. I’m someone who truley understands what love in a family is about, and that is one of the reasons my mother and I have had it so hard. She believes that by just giving birth to me, that’s motherly love, she gave me life. I have always needed it, and shown to me, I can pick up on even a tad bit of it, but I need the emotional, I care about you kind of love.

Well, I gotta go for now,.. but take care! I hope that if you have read this, you’ll think more of at least how important love is, esp. in a family, and I’m sorry if this sounded too corny, but it’s how I feel. Take Care!

Oh! almost forgot. I have decided for now at least to stick it out as long as I can, and enjoy the wonderful parts of my job, like the sweet residents,.. I mean, I felt choked up earlier over seeing a little old lady in a wheelchair with an adorable teddy bear on her lap. I stole that teddy bear from her, too.

Ha!!!! Just kidding!!! (I’m in a better mood now then at 5 a.m., can you tell?)