No more school!!!! ( till August anyway! )

7/28/00: No more school!!!! ( till August anyway! )
Yeah!

I liked the other job I had at school, but I am glad that we are done with it because now I can sleep in a little later then 7 on Summer vacation and relax but not too much, now I’ll have more time and freedom to concentrate on my ed. Great!

I am glad that some people have seen my last entry and that they are two people that I was talking to in it, thanks for writing again!

No, I did not take the citrit of magnesium, I was ready to but I couldn’t, ’cause it was liqiud and I’m not use to that (yet) and there wasn’t a lot and I wouldn’t know how much to take, apparently it will do the job though if it is like that, I took 3 pills today though. I was saving them but when I was about to eat something my lovely co workers hurt my feelings really bad, I know they were scared that I’d purge and cared, they accused me of it and stuff, but see, it’s hard because you don’t tell anyone, ess. someone who has their own ideas about their eating what they can or can’t eat, you end up making them feel terrible. I mean, worse then before, embarrased to eat I ate that thing anyway and really did not want to throw up since someone made and brought them in for us, so I took the 3 laxatives but then I still felt really bad and threw up anyway, and lied about why it took me solong to get that drink of water. They knew, though I was ready to make excuses, but didn’t say much.

They only suceeded in reminding me of how fat I am, and how I can’t get worse, and they made me feel bad for eating in the first place. I can’t even explain how bad I felt!!! I can’t blame it on anyone else, but I wish that they could understand, it’s hard to be alone and have a problem like mine. They don’t have to worry about simple things like eating and drinking. I do.

I made a new friend yesterday! The only problem so far is that we both have an ed, (eating disorder) and so I really didn’t want to tell her my weight, and I didn’t, and so she didn’t say hers. See, it’s a bad game with people like us. For ex: If I told her I weighed more then her, she would be happy and keep on going down the road to slow suicide, if I told her I weighed less, she’d be mad and hard on herself and work harder. See?!!! You can never win. Only eating disorders end up winning, unless slowed down or stopped by pros, the best ed is dead. You can’t have your weight go any lower then that.

Right now I’m drinking a pop and doing this, I have all night and I don’t have to wake up early at all tomm!!! I still get to work though, 4-9. I will not be tsking any more of my precious laxes though! They hurt and I can say that today they weren’t worth it.

Saturday I meet and get seen by my gynacologist YUCK!!! I know that that wasn’t spelled right sorry

well, I need to go into a chat room, more later! Much love take care! and paul, don’t worry about me thanks everyone,…